No, I'm not lucky. I'm blessed. YES!

blogsecret:

I could talk to you every day and you would always make me feel so much better. But I saw you the other day and it was like I didn’t even exist. What went wrong?

i read this and thought out of you. it doesn’t matter if you wrote it or not. i just want to say, “I’m sorry.” I wish I could tell you in person. I haven’t seen you around though. trust me, I’ve been working up the nerve to. I know the “right” thing to do, as people would reason, was probably to go and find you, but just thinking of it brought me to nerves because I’ve never confronted anyone, like ever, about how I feel about them. youre my best friend. it killed me to not talk to you, but i just couldn’t look at you. to be honest, i felt shame. i don’t think i can ever be as good a friend as you. i guess i acted the way i did because i dont think i deserve you as a friend, i don’t want you as a friend because i can’t amount to you. it took some thinking but this is my reasoning.  i don’t hate YOU, i’m not irritated by YOU. it’s that i cant be as good a friend as you, you’re better than me at that. i love you for it. i’m just deterred by it.  i hope i can work through this because even I miss hanging out with you.

i’m sorry i’ve been stupid about the whole thing. i wonder if i’m blowing this whole thing up and making this thing “complicating” like how you noticed before when i couldn’t choose who to hang out with XP ughhh. i don’t think i’m blowing this thing up though because it’s how i feel and our friendship is important to me. i hope to see you around school.

what saddens me is thinking that even if we talk about it, things won’t go back to the things they were like because it’s silly.. nothing ever happens the same way twice. but hey, maybe it’ll be better. just know that i love you and im sorry. i really am. we should talk.